A battle of wills
Three days ago, I declared war on the Nutella jar.
It's a pitched battle, I can tell you. All's fair in love and war, as they say, and Nutella, despite being an inanimate object, seems to knows this. There's no other way to explain the low pitched vibrations it sends my way, and that only I can hear. They're definitely below the human hearing threshold, but somehow, the evil chocolate-y goodness has found a way around physics.
Damn you, Nutella!
Day 1:
The Poodle's Friend 1, Nutella 0.5
Well, I had a little chat with my assistants Col. Brain and Sgt. Tongue yesterday. The plan was very clear. I told Col. Brain to take the troops away from Brodmann area 2, where they were at risk of ambush from enemy forces. Sgt. Tongue was instructed to keep his detachment sedated; I didn't want any Nutella-drunk soldier defecting to the other side.
These brilliant tactics led to a scintillating success for the forces of good in yesterday's battle. Only one spoonful was lost to the enemy, instead of the usual eight, and the troops celebrated with...um...cereal. Oh well.
Day 2:
The Poodle's Friend 1, Nutella 413.5
After a brisk pep talk to the troops, I entered the battlefield, fully prepared to continue the fight to the last nerve cell, should that be necessary. But the entirely unfair methods used by the enemy (subliminal messaging, propagandistic pamphlets, promised tastiness et cetera) proved too effective to beat.
Certain defectors also stirred agitation within the ranks. A small minority held on to their belief that the enemy sucks. The vast majority, however, started arguing that Nutella isn't that bad after all, even when you're not hungry. And really, the whole idea that chocolate makes you get pimples is an urban myth...
Needless to say, the majority won. The troops went completely crazy, and the enemy triumphed.
Day 3: Peace talks
The spectacular defeat in the First-And-Only Nutella War resulted in a humiliating peace settlement whereby General Nut, commander of the victorious forces, made Mr. Roger, representative of the defeated powers, sign an agreement to continue with the usual rhythm of Nutella consumption. Public opinion in The Poodle's Friend Land was shocked, but didn't know what to make of it; could eating more Nutella really be considered a defeat?
It's a pitched battle, I can tell you. All's fair in love and war, as they say, and Nutella, despite being an inanimate object, seems to knows this. There's no other way to explain the low pitched vibrations it sends my way, and that only I can hear. They're definitely below the human hearing threshold, but somehow, the evil chocolate-y goodness has found a way around physics.
Damn you, Nutella!
Day 1:
The Poodle's Friend 1, Nutella 0.5
Well, I had a little chat with my assistants Col. Brain and Sgt. Tongue yesterday. The plan was very clear. I told Col. Brain to take the troops away from Brodmann area 2, where they were at risk of ambush from enemy forces. Sgt. Tongue was instructed to keep his detachment sedated; I didn't want any Nutella-drunk soldier defecting to the other side.
These brilliant tactics led to a scintillating success for the forces of good in yesterday's battle. Only one spoonful was lost to the enemy, instead of the usual eight, and the troops celebrated with...um...cereal. Oh well.
Day 2:
The Poodle's Friend 1, Nutella 413.5
After a brisk pep talk to the troops, I entered the battlefield, fully prepared to continue the fight to the last nerve cell, should that be necessary. But the entirely unfair methods used by the enemy (subliminal messaging, propagandistic pamphlets, promised tastiness et cetera) proved too effective to beat.
Certain defectors also stirred agitation within the ranks. A small minority held on to their belief that the enemy sucks. The vast majority, however, started arguing that Nutella isn't that bad after all, even when you're not hungry. And really, the whole idea that chocolate makes you get pimples is an urban myth...
Needless to say, the majority won. The troops went completely crazy, and the enemy triumphed.
Day 3: Peace talks
The spectacular defeat in the First-And-Only Nutella War resulted in a humiliating peace settlement whereby General Nut, commander of the victorious forces, made Mr. Roger, representative of the defeated powers, sign an agreement to continue with the usual rhythm of Nutella consumption. Public opinion in The Poodle's Friend Land was shocked, but didn't know what to make of it; could eating more Nutella really be considered a defeat?
Labels: Random is good
posted by The Poodle's Friend at 5:50 PM
2 Comments:
That was hilarious. It had me convulsing imagining you with a Nutella bottle.
Although, you should be ashamed of your Nutella problem. You'll probably need to go to a Nutella rehab clinic in a few years. Why can't you just be like normal people and stop buying it instead?
you're hilarious and well, more than a little disturbing. wow... you and pan make quite a pair. i don't know which one of you is more deserving of my pity.
and as to your valentine's day post... listening to britney spears is most definitely a crime... you should be locked away where you can't do any damage.
ha! thanx... you made me laugh.
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