Network Hunting
Most internet cafés are weird places. They're predominantly populated by males of the 15-50 age range who are either there to play addictive videogames or to surf online dating websites, disguised as tall, good-looking and well-earning businessmen.
Internet cafés in Turkey are no different. It is hence unadvisable for any female to enter one without a suitably well-built male escort.
If, like me, you happen to be staying at your grandmother's house, you can hardly expect the ancient-looking computer to have an internet connection, because chances are it doesn't. But in this day and age, a computer without an internet connection is like a watermelon without seeds, a sea without waves, Peron without Evita, Posh without Becks, food without salt and I think you get the point.
So you can imagine my discomfort as I sat there with my brand new Preity perched on my lap (because she is a laptop after all), and a nasty 'The page you were looking for could not be found' message from Internet Explorer. What to do? What to do? Face the hordes of hairy creeps at the nearest internet café, or live through weeks of net deprivation?
I can tell you, I was very close to making myself the object of lewd fantasies by entering the dreaded air-condition deprived hellhole when suddenly, Preity went 'ding!'.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she went 'ding!' during a relatively entertaining Turkish League football match.
'What could she possibly be dinging for?' I thought. To my surprise, there it was! A feeble yet beautifully real wireless network! Excitement and adrenalin flooding my veins, I clicked on My Network Places, anticipating blissful internet surfing. Alas, my joy was to be short-lived, for the selfish, heartless owners of the wireless network, wherever I was picking it up from, had made it password protected. I briefly considered trying to guess the password. Recognising that as a flash of insanity, no doubt brought upon by disappointment, I dropped that idea immediately and fell back to clicking the refresh button over and over again, hoping, by some kind of miracle, to pick up some unprotected network.
It didn't happen.
Undeterred, I took the matter into my own hands. I unplugged Preity and embarked upon what will henceforth be known as The Long March In Search For A Wireless Network. Too bad Mao wasn't there to lead the way.
After much fruitless refreshing at different points in the house, with Preity perched precariously in the crook of my elbow, I eventually got to the balcony on the other side of the house. Here, I sat down and prayed to Gandhi, as I used to do when I was late for school and the tram didn't come.
It worked.
I found a wireless hotspot on my grandmother's balcony.
The only problem is that the signal is so incredibly weak that moving by half a metre breaks the connection. Also, there is an air conditioning motor right above my head and if I try sitting somewhere else, well, the magic is broken.
Not that I'm complaining. I'm exploiting someone else's wireless network because they were too nice to password protect it. I'm saving money that would have otherwise been spent at a seedy internet café. I am doing all this without having to step out of the house (unless you consider the balcony as being effectively 'out'). I am stealing.
Crime pays.
Internet cafés in Turkey are no different. It is hence unadvisable for any female to enter one without a suitably well-built male escort.
If, like me, you happen to be staying at your grandmother's house, you can hardly expect the ancient-looking computer to have an internet connection, because chances are it doesn't. But in this day and age, a computer without an internet connection is like a watermelon without seeds, a sea without waves, Peron without Evita, Posh without Becks, food without salt and I think you get the point.
So you can imagine my discomfort as I sat there with my brand new Preity perched on my lap (because she is a laptop after all), and a nasty 'The page you were looking for could not be found' message from Internet Explorer. What to do? What to do? Face the hordes of hairy creeps at the nearest internet café, or live through weeks of net deprivation?
I can tell you, I was very close to making myself the object of lewd fantasies by entering the dreaded air-condition deprived hellhole when suddenly, Preity went 'ding!'.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she went 'ding!' during a relatively entertaining Turkish League football match.
'What could she possibly be dinging for?' I thought. To my surprise, there it was! A feeble yet beautifully real wireless network! Excitement and adrenalin flooding my veins, I clicked on My Network Places, anticipating blissful internet surfing. Alas, my joy was to be short-lived, for the selfish, heartless owners of the wireless network, wherever I was picking it up from, had made it password protected. I briefly considered trying to guess the password. Recognising that as a flash of insanity, no doubt brought upon by disappointment, I dropped that idea immediately and fell back to clicking the refresh button over and over again, hoping, by some kind of miracle, to pick up some unprotected network.
It didn't happen.
Undeterred, I took the matter into my own hands. I unplugged Preity and embarked upon what will henceforth be known as The Long March In Search For A Wireless Network. Too bad Mao wasn't there to lead the way.
After much fruitless refreshing at different points in the house, with Preity perched precariously in the crook of my elbow, I eventually got to the balcony on the other side of the house. Here, I sat down and prayed to Gandhi, as I used to do when I was late for school and the tram didn't come.
It worked.
I found a wireless hotspot on my grandmother's balcony.
The only problem is that the signal is so incredibly weak that moving by half a metre breaks the connection. Also, there is an air conditioning motor right above my head and if I try sitting somewhere else, well, the magic is broken.
Not that I'm complaining. I'm exploiting someone else's wireless network because they were too nice to password protect it. I'm saving money that would have otherwise been spent at a seedy internet café. I am doing all this without having to step out of the house (unless you consider the balcony as being effectively 'out'). I am stealing.
Crime pays.
Labels: Random is good
posted by The Poodle's Friend at 9:13 AM
6 Comments:
You thief, you! Just as soon as you hit 18, you start showing everyone your criminal tendencies.
I shouldn't be complaining actually, this way you can email me regularly.
The internet cafes near me are all packed with tourists and immigrants who desperately need someway of contacting people back home.
Me, I personally like impersonating tall, good-looking business men from the comfort of my own home.
Oh and by the way, "water melon without seeds"? What's wrong with that?
That was great. Ah, the joys of stealing. I totally want to be a pirate.
i'm so proud of you. sniff.
Archive this story for your grandchildren.
Apparently, Google has launched a free WiFi network in Mountainview California (lucky lucky California). And this I think is just the beginning. Pretty soon the world will have free internet access. And we won't need to forage for hotspots anymore. And this kind of thing would become antediluvian- and a source of endless yarns. Just don't forget to add the special effects and, aye, some mention of the pirates.
As the former governor of Minnesota once said, " It ain't illegal unless you get caught."
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