Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Uni time!

TPF has left Italy. TPF will soon be going to uni! TPF may or may not be able to blog regularly through the next couple of weeks. All things considered, it might be a better sign if she doesn't, because that might mean she actually has friends!

Anyway, you people keep blogging. TPF will visit! [ASH - I WANT THAT SILLY PICTURE AND I WANT IT NOW!]


Monday, September 25, 2006

In which a meme is born

Well, I guess I could blog about how I'm leaving on Wednesday for uni and how uncharacteristically little I'm looking forward to it. Or I could blog about how it's raining here today and it's also quite cold and really, how irritating. Or perhaps I could blog about how my beloved AC Milan has managed a flimsy draw against Livorno and how cute is Gourcuff?

But no. Today, I have decided to go for answering one of mankind's fundamental questions; how do memes begin?

It's a bit like yoghurt, if you think about it. To make yoghurt, you need yoghurt (at least that's what my mother says, and my mother makes the best yoghurt in the world). So if you need yoghurt to make yoghurt, how did they make the first yoghurt?

Who knows. And yes, yes, this is a crappy analogy. But still. I bet half of you didn't know that yoghurt needs yoghurt! You learn something new every day.

Anyway, after much pondered research and analysis, I have come to the conclusion that memes begin because someone begins them. And so, to test my theory, I have decided that I will start a meme and see if it works. For this, I will need your support, gentle readers. Please be patient and do what this meme asks of you, in the interests of scientific enquiry.

The meme is as thus:
List the ten most played songs in your iTunes library.

Yep, it really is that simple. And it might have been done before. In fact, I'm sure it's been done before. Do you see me caring? No, I don't see me caring either. Oh, of course, you might not have iTunes, in which case you may or may not have a play counter. Suit yourself.

I shall set the example and do the meme myself.

1. Rang de Basanti (from the homonymous movie), played 34 times. Yes, 34. I can't believe it either. But it's such a great song! Of course, I have no idea what it means. Except for 'rang', which is 'renk' in Turkish and means colour, and 'basanti' which is a colour. Something like saffron, but not quite. Anyway, the rest of the song could be in Polish for all I know.

2. Right Here, Right Now (remixed) from Bluffmaster. Pan and I loooooove this song. And the video is uber-cool. And Abhishek Bachchan has that gruff, manly handsome-ness that makes us swoon.

3. Chand Sifarish, from Fanaa (one day, I will review Fanaa, as I will Rang de Basanti). The remix, Fanaa For You, is also great. It played that night we went clubbing in Bombay, and I was positively skipping with delight, as they were playing a song that I actually recognised. My skipping might have been perceived as an attempt at drunken dancing, which probably explains the weird looks I was getting.

4. Beep, by the Pussycat Dolls. And finally, something in English. I used to play this song all the time, like thrice a day. I think it's possibly one of the catchiest pop songs of the last couple of years. Of course, nothing beats Britney. Britney RULES. I hope she dumps that sleazebag K-Fed sometime soon, because he's ruined her, that jerk. I hate you, K-Fed! I hope you keel over and go comatose from your own sleaziness!

5. Aashiqui Meri, by Himesh Reshammiya. The first time I heard this was on a rick in Bombay, sitting between Pan and Gary. After the first few beats, Pan and I were nodding to the rhythm, telling each other how cool the song was. Gary, on the other hand, was cringing, poor thing. Apparently, you either love Himesh or you hate him, and most people hate him. Pan and I were unhindered by such prejudices, of course, and quite enjoyed him. Although I hear Pan is starting to get tired of him too. Must be an Indian thing, though, because personally, I still think Himesh rocks. Eris is going to kill me.

6. Ruth Aa Gayee Re, from Earth - 1947. A great song from a beautiful movie. Sigh. It makes me want to cry to even think of the movie. Sniff. There, see? I'm sniffling.

By the way, are you starting to see a pattern here? So am I.

7. Jub Dil Miley, from Yaadein. Apparently, this movie sucks. I haven't seen it myself, but Pan has, and is possibly the only person in the world who liked it. Anyway, the song is a sex song. As in, it makes one want to engage in extracurricular activities.

8. Touch the Sky, by Kanye West. I love Kanye West. He's so good. His songs have a catchiness to them that make the average non-rapping listener very happy. You can always sing the chorus, you don't need to rap it! And he's a great live performer too. Also, Kanye is kind of cute. And you all know how important appearances are in life!

9. Taal Se Taal Mila, from Taal. Another one of those sex songs. Now, I don't speak Hindi, but apparently this song is about how much the female lead (Aishwarya Rai) wants to engage in the aforementioned extracurricular activities with the male lead (whom I shall not name because he's a stupid idiot who can't act). Now this might all be the product of Pan's overactive and perverted imagination. But then again, it might be true. Whatever the case, I know I enjoy it. The song, I mean. What were you thinking?

10. Çakkıdı, by Kenan Doğulu. Sadly, there is only one song in my mother tongue in this top ten. But it's a great song, with a great video (I'm sure they have it on YouTube). Strangely enough, although it's one of the very few songs in this list that I can sing along to, that's not very useful at all, because the lyrics aren't very interesting. I mean, the title isn't even a word. It's an onomatopoeia. 50 Cent could come up with this song. But hey, it's catchy. I like catchy songs.

And that, dear readers, is it. Don't ask me why 70% of the songs are in a language that I don't understand (in fact, are in languages that I don't understand, because they're not all in Hindi, as Pan tells me). All I can say is that Bollywood soundtracks are catchy. I loooooove them. They are my personal Britney Spears.

BRITNEY, COME BACK! I don't want meanigful alternative music, I don't want anything like that, I want POP! POOOOOP! Which sounds like poop. Oh well.

I tag Pan, Ash and Sophia. Come on guys, it's scientific enquiry!

PS: I do occasionally listen to music with a degree of depth. However, deep music is rarely catchy and often depressing. Hence, it is not played half as often as, say, Britney. Oh dear, I'm obsessed with Britney. Sigh. I just wish she'd come back to us. Sniff.


Sunday, September 17, 2006

Because when you're tagged, you're tagged.


I have no idea who the man behind me is.

As we're in the subject of silly pictures, here's another one.

My beloved flip-flops. Bought during a school trip to Sardinia in the Summer of 2004, they'd been with me for 2 years, worn under jeans, skirts and bikinis. Now, they lie abandoned in some waste treatment facility, sent there by that merciless, unfeeling creature that I call mother.

I have yet to get over the trauma.

I tag Pan, who'll never do it anyway (come on! Prove me wrong!), Ash and Nitin (and thanks to simmi for the tag!).


Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Fantastic Bore

In which eloquent excerpts from a chat conversation between TPF and Pan are used to illustrate the utter crappiness of the movie The Fantastic Four, which, for the record, both TPF and Pan watched on TV, and therefore for free, because they would both rather eat raw liver than pay to watch that movie. Because it is that bad. Oh, you might want to know that in this conversation, the characters in the movie were referred to as follows: Reed Richards=Reed, Sue Storm=Jessica Alba, Johnny Storm=Johnny, The Thing=Ben, Von Doom=Cole (because the dude playing him is Cole on Charmed).

[The audience is introduced to the underdeveloped, 2-dimensional characters]
Pan: i used to be totally into this cartoon, like badly

but he was always married to sue
never saw the start of it all
TPF: um, who's married to sue?
who's sue? jessica alba?
Pan: richards
TPF: who's richard?
Pan: i never got his first name
reed, i think
TPF: the dude in the elevator right now?
Pan: yeah, they eventually get married
and the human torch fire dude is her brother
TPF: oh
Pan: his name is Johnny
TPF: I thought he was her boyfriend
Pan: :)
TPF: that's what it looked like in the trailer


[A scantily clad Jessica Alba appears onscreen, wearing revealing clothing for no apparent reason. This distracts viewers, even female viewers, so it must be even worse for hormonal teenaged male viewers. Also, the choppy plot advancement is mentioned]
TPF: omg look at jessica alba! OMG DUDE SHE'S
TPF: stop looking at her boobs, Pan
Pan: okay, have stopped now
TPF: yeah, because shes not onscreen
Pan: they're already in space? that was fast


[Pan and TPF note the hotness of Cole, the only member of the film's cast who can actually produce expressions other than a blank look]
TPF: cole is a jerk
Pan: even in charmed
TPF: a hot jerk, though
in charmed he's sexy evil
Pan: totally. he's totally typecast
TPF: PAN! i didn't know you watched Charmed! I SEE BLACKMAIL MATERIAL HERE!


[More bad plotting, ridiculously bad acting, tiny Sin City reference and special effects that would make even Buffy and Charmed fans cringe]
TPF: dude, is she flriting with two different men?
Pan: yeah, well, she's jessica alba
TPF: yeah, she can afford to even have sex with bruce willis
Pan: she can flirt with 10 men if she wants
TPF: :) yeah
dude, btw, are these people willingly allowing themselves to get radiated by a cosmic storm?
Pan: reed is a crappy actor
TPF: or is there going to be a mistake?
'It's impossible! It's got to be 7 hours!'
that explains it

Pan: aah
totally explains it
she's pretending to be clueless
how stupid!
i cant see her boobs
im annoyed
TPF: oh but she looks hot in that suit
omg, bad cgi
Pan: poor ben, i always feel sorry for him. he becomes red and ugly and unattractive
Pan: ha! bad effects
TPF: poor ben
Pan: i know
rather bad effects
TPF: yeah
rather bad
is cole going to get radiated too? and become evil?


[The only decent special effects are commented upon]
Pan: OMG
he's burning
Pan: and he just did
Pan: hot


[Feeling sorry for the only likeable character, Ben, and more mocking of the terrible, terrible special effects]
Pan: no one's going to love him now
TPF: What will his wife do?
don't tell me
Pan: how horrible
TPF: i want to see
Pan: i'd totally leave him
TPF: omg, she's going to leave him, isn't she?
Pan: i dont know what happens
he's like an ape now, who wouldnt want to leave him? i would
Pan: he looks like hagrid
TPF: the hand looks like plastic!


[The Fantastic Four cause a huge pile-up on a bridge and then are hailed as heroes for saving the people whose lives they endangered in the first place. Pan and TPF comment on the idiocy of this and, once again, on the hotness of Cole]
Pan: why do people love them so much? theyre the ones who caused the accident
TPF: oh! cole!
Pan: jessica alba is so totally dumping him
right now
TPF: why isn't anyone wondering where cole's symptoms are?
Pan: i know
it's silly
TPF: the only person in this movie who can act is cole
Pan: i know. it's almost a b movie
with bad actors and effects
TPF: almost as bad as buffy effects
i like the fire effects though, they actually look nice


[Pan feels sorry for Cole, and Jessica Alba's bad acting and revealing wardrobe are remarked upon yet again]
TPF: oh jessica
bad acting
Pan: she cant act at all
she's like in it for the boobs
and then there is cole, who's finally changing

everyone's so mean to him, including his own girlfriend
TPF: aaaaaaaw!

poor evil mastermind!
Pan: no wonder he goes evil
i would if everyone hated me
someone needs to hug him

why arent the others being nice to him?
TPF: because he's evil? he's a bad bad person
Pan: he's evil because they're not nice to him
it's a vicious cycle, like the poverty cycle
TPF: no
they're not nice to him
because he's evil

Pan: no, hes evil because they're not nice to him
TPF: fine


[A bad explanation is given for how the Fantastic Four's uniforms resist their superpowers. TPF, with her eternally inquisitive and analytic mind, cannot believe her ears, and wonders how on earth it all actually got made into a movie]
TPF: its silly that the radiation modified the uniforms too
Pan: i know
TPF: i mean
the uniforms are not organic
they have no genes. how can they mutate?

Pan: yes, sweetie
TPF: it's really stupid
Pan: I know


[Generic bitching about the utter lack of plot, even past the 1-hour mark. Expressions of disbelief on the badness of the movie]
TPF: dude
this is such a bad movie
Pan: bad acting
TPF: nothing is happening
NOTHING at all
ben is the only one who's acting
Pan: i cant believe we're seeing this
TPF: neither can i
Pan: they could at least make out. why are they not making out?
how silly
TPF: can jessica do anything but look mildly sad?
is she able to do anything else? does she have other expressions?
Pan: she cant do anything
she has to show her boobs
aah evil ben
TPF: dude
do you think there'll actually be a plot one day? a plot that lasts more than 10 minutes?
Pan: well Cole is getting evil. and they have to stop him
TPF: yeah, well
the movie's almost over

Pan: cole looks even hotter now
he' got a metal face
oh great, he has a mask now. why couldnt they come up with a better mask?
he's darth cole now


[Oh yes. It really is a bad movie]
TPF: this is a really bad movie. really bad
Pan: i know
TPF: like so bad it's almost funny
Pan: they destroyed half of new york
and people still love them


[The obligatory romantic ending is bad. Very bad. Worse than usual]
how romantic!
what kind of surname is storm?
Pan: he's just asking her because she can get invisible
TPF: yeah

Thankfully, the movie ended at this point. It was bad. Really, really bad. In case you hadn't realised.

PS: Pan and TPF don't really call each other Pan and TPF on random msn conversations. In fact, they never call each other Pan and TPF. They actually have real names.


Saturday, September 09, 2006

Book meme

What better than a meme to get back into blogging? Thanks to Sophia for the tag!

1. One book that changed your life: As anticlimactic as this might be for a start to a meme, I have no answer to this. There is no book that changed my life. Perhaps I am too young. But, as Pan said, a book that changed your life may be a book that made you think thoughts you'd never thought before. In that case, I'd say The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. It's a book that everyone should read. It should be made a compulsory read for all schoolchildren. One day, when I become the ruler of the universe, I shall make sure that everyone reads it.

2. One book that you’ve read more than once: The His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman. Can't wait for the movie to be released. Especially as it's got Eva Green and Nicole Kidman. I'm pretty miffed that Daniel Craig and not Jason Isaacs is playing Lord Asriel, because Jason Isaacs is just... well, I don't think words could do him justice.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island: The entire Harry Potter series, after book seven comes out, obviously, because I really wouldn't want to be tormented with thoughts on whether Snape is truly evil or not, or what the last Horcrux is, or if Ron and Hermione will finally DO IT. Not when I'm on a desert island getting bitten by mosquitos.

4. One book that made you laugh: The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the entire series, by Douglas Adams. I found the plots rather weak, overall, but the silly chapters, the Guide entries, Random's teenage drama, everything, it was all hilarious. I've never snickered so much in my life as I did whilst reading those books. Even on a 16-hour bus ride from Antalya to Sivas, when everyone else was sleeping and getting mad at me for keeping my lights on.

5. One book that made you cry: Swann's Way, by Marcel Proust. Well, I had tears building up at any rate, and all because of the beauty of that book. It wasn't the plot, it wasn't anything, it was just that it's such a beautiful, beautiful book, and beauty can be so moving. Sigh. I wish I could read it again like it was the frist time.

6. One book that you wish had been written: My wife, TPF, by Thomas Hardy. I LOVE YOU, THOMAS! COME BACK AND MARRY ME!

7. One book that you wish had never been written: Great Expectations, because it is dull. And Hardy is so much better! SO THERE!

8. One book you’re currently reading: Latife Hanım, by Ipek Çalışlar, about Mustafa Kemal Atatürk's wife. It's in Turkish, and I'm not used to reading in Turkish, so it's a bit of a challenge, but being a shameless history nerd, I enjoy these kinds of books.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: The Simoqin Prophecies, by Samit Basu.

10. Now tag six people, which I shall be unable to do because anyone I could tag has already been tagged. Sigh.

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