'I can find only three words to describe the female sex. None of which are worth expressing.'

I saw Orlando yesterday and absolutely loved it.

Orlando is one of my favourite books of all time. I seriously adore that book, it's so much fun but so deep at the same time. So many issues explored with such light-hearted flair! (Please use your imagination to insert other words of praise here.)

Alas, movie adaptations often go wrong. The House of the Spirits, anyone? Not that the book was a literary masterpiece, but it sure could've made an excellent movie.

It didn't.

The movie version of The House of the Spirits is crap. Don't watch it. Please, trust me. It's really really bad.

But on to more interesting matters.

Somehow, they (and by they I mean all those random people involved in making movies) managed not to mess Orlando up at all. I mean, seriously, the going wrong potential was immense! First off, who were they going to cast for the lead role? It's not an easy pick, considering that Orlando changes sex in the middle of the novel (and therefore, of the movie). Also, how were they going to handle the seriousness of the gender issues without glossing over them? And what about the period setting? And how would they adapt a novel with such an intrusive narrator to the screen where the narrative voice device is often cumbersome and results in an interfering annoyance?

First things first. They cast Tilda Swinton as Orlando. What can I say? She's amazing. Slightly androgynous, a great actress, and the final scene of the movie (which I don't remember happening in the book, but hey, artistic license) is beautiful. She's leaning against a tree, watching her daughter run around, and she cries a little. Wow.

Her falling in love with Princess Sasha is perfectly believable. Mind you, they cast Sasha perfectly too. I almost fell in love with her myself.

The play on gender roles was handled surprisingly well, and not shoved aside in favour of sentimental drivel (making a man play Queen Elizabeth was a magnificent touch). Of course, a lot of the content must be credited to Virginia Woolf, but that doesn't mean that the filmmakers shouldn't be praised. The 'waking up as a female' on-screen obviously has a much greater impact on the audience than the on-paper version has on the reader. That's mostly because cinema has a visual impact rather than a simply imaginary one, so it's bound to be effective, but again, it could have been hugely messed up.

Overall, the movie does a great job of conveying the message that essentially, men and women are the same people... just a different sex.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus my ass!

The costume people were just as good as the casting people (mind you, it's not like I've ever seen Elizabethan clothing first hand, but I have a vague idea of how it's supposed to look). One of Orlando's dresses plunged me into temporary daydream mode where I imagined myself wearing it and gliding around like a princess. Then came a hilarious scene where Orlando, wearing her huge, overly wide dress, had to make her way through a room filled with sheet-covered furniture. She had to turn sideways and make impossible maneuvres and I'm sure there was some symbolic significance to that (women have it much harder than men?) but I was too busy thanking the god of fabrics for inventing jeans.

And finally, the narrator. Well, there were some occasional voice-overs that came over as witty and interesting, rather than irritating. Also, Orlando occasionally looked straight at the camera and shared a private aside with the audience, an intelligent method to get the themes and messages across.

In short, I loved this movie. But you can probably tell that, can't you?

I leave you with some quotes. Read them, they're funny.

PS: I think you'd love this movie, frankengirl.